EXT RESTAURANT

INT RESTAURANT TABLE

Kate and Mike are seated across from one another. There is a
brief moment of nervous silence with both just smiling. Mike
finally decides to break the stalemate.

MIKE
So how long ha..

He is quickly cut off by a now bold Mary

KATE
So is this where you bring all of
your internet dates? Is this
where you hold the auditions?

Kate follows with a failed comforting laugh

MIKE
smiling
uneasily
I don't meet that many women on
the internet..

Once again he is quickly cut off

KATE
I have met a bunch of guys and
I'll tell you, they lie about
themselves just as much as we
ladies do. I was happy to see you
were so honest in your profile
when you said you were a little
overweight.

MIKE
I didn't say that

KATE
Oh, well ...are you sure that
wasn't on there?

MIKE
yeah, that wasn't on there

The waitress approaches the table and hands them menus.

WAITRESS
Hello, Welcome to o'shannons,
Tonights specials are Chicken
Alfredo, Salmon sauteed in butter
and the soup of the day is
vegetable. Do you know what you'd
like to drink?

KATE
Oh I think I will have a
Strawberry Daiquiri

MIKE
I will just have a Corona

WAITRESS
Good enough, I'll be back in a few
to take your orders.

Mike and Kate read over the menus held up blocking each
other from the others view

KATE
So what are you going to get

MIKE
The chicken alfredo sounds good

KATE
Oh that did sounds good, I think I
will get the Salmon and we can
share.

MIKE
Oh I don't eat seafood

Kate lowers her menu with a puzzled look

KATE
What do you mean you don't eat
seafood..none of it

MIKE
Yeah I don't really care for the
taste or the smell

KATE
You don't like any seafood? You
don't eat lobster or Flounder?

MIKE
No I don't eat any of it.

mike raises his menu up to continue reading and to shield
himself from the inquisition.

KATE
Well have you ever tried Crabs, i
bet you would like them.You can't
hate all seafood. Some fish don't
even taste fishy. Have you ever
even tried calamari or haddock or
sea bass...how can you not eat
fish. I don't get that.

Mike lowers the menu, his patience tested.

MIKE
Look, I have tried different
things, and it all tastes the
same. All of that stuff lives in
the water and swims in the water.
They all breathe eat and shit in
the water. Even when they come
out of the water they smell like
fish, and you can fry it, bake
it, boil it, drown it in butter,
smother it with sauce and it
still...tastes like fish.

Kate stares at him.

KATE
Well I just think you haven't
tried the right kind.

waitress approached the table

WAITRESS
are you ready to order?

KATE
reading menu
you can go ahead, i'm not sure yet

MIKE
I'll have the Chicken Alfredo

WAITRESS
and for you mam

KATE
I'll have the shrimp cocktail as
an appetizer and the salmon

Mike is brooding, kate grins in defiance

WAITRESS
ok, ill have that out in a bit

CUT TO KITCHEN, FOOD BEING PREPARED

cut back to waitress bringing food to table, 3 empty
daiquiri glasses sit in front of kate

WAITRESS
here you go , one shrimp cocktail

waitress removes empty glasses

KATE
hm this looks so good..you have to
try some

MIKE
no, i am good

KATE
come on...me a man

kate lathers the shrimp in sauce and plays airplane,
bringing it closer to mike while making noises

KATE
open up the hanger..here comes the
airplane

mike looks disgusted and dodges her movements

KATE
oh you are no fun..

kate takes a bite out of the shrink, getting sauce on her
face.

KATE
with a full
mouth and
sauced face
you don't know what you're missing

mike looks grossed out

Cut to a cook chopping a fish head off.

cut to waitress bringing food to table, 2 more empty glasses
sit in front of kate

WAITRESS
here you go

waitress puts salmon in front of mike

MIKE
put that over there

WAITRESS
oh sorry, do you want me to take
the shrimp?

KATE
with sauce on
her face and
smeared
lipstick, now
with a slight
slur
no, i am still trying to get the
sissy to try them

mike flares nostrils and starts on his meal

kate cuts up her fish and after taking a few bites offers a
big piece to mike

KATE
come on now, be a big boy and try
it

mike jousts with her fishy fork with his knife, moving his
head away while he pushes her fork to the side

MIKE
I don't want any, just keep it
over there

KATE
You should eat it..it is healthy
for you..and speeds up your
metabolism

MIKE
with mouth full
of pasta
what'd you say

KATE
now with half
of the salmon
on her fork
just try it, it doesn't taste like
the other fish,

She brings the large piece of fish across the table, mike
puts his utentsils down and pushes back against the chair

MIKE
get it out of here,

KATE
just one little bite

mike pushing her fork away

MIKE
get that shit away from my food

mike pushes her fork and the fish falls on top of his pasta.

they both look stunned,

KATE
looks like you're gonna have to
try it now
slurps on her
near empty
drink

mike calls the waitress over.

WAITRESS
Yes can I help you?

MIKE
Hi, yes, i think you can

while staring at kate mike puts his hand up the waitresses
skirt.

WAITRESS
Smiles with a
purr

mike takes his hand out. kate is in shock

mike licks his finger

MIKE
oh that is good...she must be part
asian.

kate backs away looking disgusted

MIKE
whats the matter, you don't like
pussy? Have you ever tried pussy?
It doesn't all taste the same.
Here , try it

mike puts his hand out again..kate pushed it away

KATE
I don't want to try the pussy

MIKE
Ohhhhhhhhhh you don't huh, you
have to try the pussy...how can
you say you don't like it if you
never try it...maybe its her...I
can get another waitress...look
there is a readhead...she might
taste like your daiqiri.

kate looks mortified

KATE
There is something really wrong
with you

MIKE
mike starts
making
airplane
noises and
puts his
fingers
towards kate
again.
brrrrrrrr here comes vagina
air..brrrrr

KATE
Just stop it...stop

MIKE
here...
dipping fingers
into butter
bowl
maybe you want butter on your
pussy
dips into
cocktail sauce
here...how about cocktail sauce

mike makes a mess of the table...knocking the plates around
and drinks over

He sits back and catches his breath

KATE
I hope you get VD finger

Kate stands up calmly , puts her napkin down, and walks away

past the waitress who comes to the table

WAITRESS
Is there anything else sir

MIKE
no, no..just the check..

Mike picks up the fish with his fork and tastes it

MIKE
That isn't too bad.